Today’s Resentment

Just call me Mrs. DM, I do not and will not sensor my life, my comments or content (that includes grammar, I might be almost 30 but my grammar is pretty much nonexistent) If you get your panties in a bunch, it’s probably because you relate to my chaos and are uncomfortable with the fact that I’m not scared to share my ups and downs (more downs then ups lately).

I have two beautiful children, and an amazing hard working husband (tomorrow, I might feel completely different about him lol) who I love unconditionally no matter how much I will rant and vent about them.

I am a disfunctional, crazy, loving, grumpy, lazy, anxious momma. I will not lie and tell you I am perfect, and I never loose my shit, and hide under the covers (because it’s noon and we are all still in my bed eating and watching cartoons)  when I feel like I can’t handle life that day. I struggle with extreme postpartum anxiety since having my second child four months ago. I am also having some other medical issues, that I will not air to the world because they are not the reason I’m a shit mom sometimes, I am. I will never blame that on anyone or anything, I own that 1000%.

My house is never spotless, I do not keep up on laundry or dishes. I have a mountain of laundry downstairs that is clean that I keep coming up with a million reasons not to put it away that day or I have just completely forgotten about it. And sadly my husband is the one that washed it because I piled it all in to one laundry basket and he got tired of staring at it, And I don’t feel bad he washed it either. And here is why, he works his ass off Monday through Friday and I will never not be grateful for him supporting our family, but once he is home from work he does only what he wants. Don’t get me wrong he does deserve some “me” time for all his hard work because I know he busts his ass every day for 12 hours a day. He has picked up doing dishes and laundry for me and I am thankful for that. My issue, my anger and resentment are because he does not full time PARENT! He does what he wants when he wants, he works outside, sits down in his man cave (yes he has his own man cave that is bigger then our own bedroom), goes shooting, to families house to help them (yes, with out me and the kids because god forbid I would want to get out of the house too) or is in the garage building something (none of which is something I asked him to build over a month ago). He does all these things while I’m doing what I do every damn day, at home keeping two perfect little humans alive with goldfish, suckers and juice (those are obviously for my almost 2 year old).

He does make sure he spends a little bit with them when he his home, but 93% of the time he is doing anything else. Once he comes home he sits with the oldest so I can start making food and go pee finally. Once I’m done doing what I needed to do, he is gone and I don’t see him again for a few hours unless I text him telling him I need go to come sit with the kids or bring something up from downstairs.

My husband and I spoke about this issue today when he came home, briefly. He started telling me about all he has planned to get done this weekend, none of it included the kids or I (once again). As he continues to tell me, he can see my irritation while he tells me and asks what’s wrong. My exact word were ” it must be nice to be able to make plans and come and go as you want and not have to worry about the kids.” An his response, “are you saying I don’t help with the kids?” And i told him I never said that and then he just continued on informing me his weekend plans. Not once did he ask if I had plans (because moms never have plans unless it’s a scheduled pee break… alone, who am I  kidding, more like a scheduled pee break with only one kid in tow) or if I wanted to do anything as a family or even acknowledge my frustration. An then he proceeded to his man cave to eat dinner, alone while I’m upstairs being a jungle gym while trying to feed myself for the first time today hoping to get just a few bites of my salad.

Well now it’s almost midnight, I put the little humans to bed, and I’m on the couch catching up on shows (thank god for Hulu) that make my days better at 2 am when I’m enjoying my only alone time. He just went to bed because of Course he is getting up early tomorrow…. An I’m just hoping I make it through a night where I’m not up 11 times making sure the little humans are fine (currently bed training and my oldest is having a hard time).

When will I be able to let him know that all this is building up inside me and I’m gonna loose it, because obviously I am to damn stubborn to have a deep serious conversation with him about it all.. I just expect him to read my damn mind and fix everything before I do loose it. I don’t know if anyone else out there who read this (if anyone ever even reads this) has the same issue as I do but if you do and have found a solution or just in the same damn sinking boat, let me know. This was probably a very scattered blog, cut me some slack momsters I’m new to this. Thank you to whoever actually takes the time to read my chaos.

Goodnight- Mrs. DM ❤

 

 

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